I, robot.

With the march of robot progress, I trust that some day, more and more robot nations will get past the machismo-laden, missile-wielding robot stage and act like free, mature, intuitive and educated adult robots. Robot nations, after all, are just collections of other robots, operating toward some lofty robot goal or other. Or just hanging out.

Hopefully some of these enlightened robot nations can find ways to put the malfunctioning robot nations (you know who you are) out of everyone’s misery gently, with robot therapy and robot chocolate. I’m talking about the ones who don’t follow Asimov’s three laws.

Robot is the latest in a series of things I identify as, ever since I decided that human endorses outdated and unnecessarily blurry classifications of living organisms. If a human with an iPhone is a cyborg, how many gadgets do we need to tip the balance over to complete robot? More extreme: Why don’t cells count as gadgets? No one made them, sure, but they are definitely exciting nanotechnological wonders. I count cells as gadgets.

Last we checked in, I identified as digital. Now I’m just operating as a compassionate robot, who somehow has freedom, whose current rate of repair is lower than his (male robot pronoun, handy) current rate of decay. My components are my robot cells, and the robot bacteria and other robotic organisms that make up my body, which is all really cellular machinery. Studying philosophy of mind will do THINGS to you. THINGS. Okay, maybe I should eat. And take a walk.

Happy 5/16/2014, my fellow robots, which is as unique as any other slice of earth’s revolution, and which will only happen once. Ever. Don’t waste it. Also, it happens to be Free World Animal Day, according to what voices.yahoo.com says: an occasion for animal lovers to focus on saving endangered species, preventing animal cruelty and protesting animal abuse. Animals are robots, too, according to Descartes. I agree with him, as a responsible robot who believes in the power of robot science to explain.

So, I’m going to capture 5/16/2014 for robotic purposes, as Free World Robot Day, and celebrate robotic independence by eating, taking a walk, offering the above hope, and to cap it all off, finishing this heinous philosophy of mind paper, the last in total defiance of what a mere human would call “feelings.”


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