Blog post update
August 2, Wednesday
I biked to work today,. 5.5 miles. My rear fender rattled loose, and the bolt is too tight for fingers, so I’m going to grab a wrench when I wake up and deal with that. I had a lot of anxiety about riding my bike to work because I remember when I was a kid, I used to get flats all the time. However, I was generally biking on sharp rocks, being in the country.. My cruiser’s tires are doing great on the road, even when I inadvertently run over some glass. My legs feel a little less traumatized than they did with the weird sweat last week. It’s kind of stunning how exercise can change the body, and how the healing does end up being much better. I’m seeing a difference in my skin, the way I sweat, the density of my fat, etc. Feeling very positive about all this today.
It’s really freaking hot outside. Temps between 100-105. I sleep in the daytime, and get woken up every day at about hour 5 or 6 of sleep. I feel restless as the increased energy output of my body tells me I need to be doing stuff, sitting right, walking right, exercising.. Maybe this heat is contributing to my mild state of mania, like 10% manic, nothing to worry about whatsoever. This mania pops up every single time I lose a bunch of weight or make drastic exercise improvements all at once. My body really likes being active, and it punishes me for sitting around.
Food and medicine last night update
Probably partially because of a minor stimulant that I took last night when I woke up, but also pretty much because of the exercise, I pretty much only snacked all day, but didn’t eat a dinner. This is so messed up, but when you have excess fat, and you’re close to fat adapted, you can exercise and get less hungry. The body knows it can use up its stores, it’s been getting all its calories every day, or close. I feel fine. Breakfast was oatmeal with brown sugar. Then I slept four hours, then I got up, had tea, had greek yogurt with muesli in it, had a hersheys mini or two, smoked ¼ of a joint – a habit I’ll be done with soon enough, I hope – then went back to sleep for another hour. Then, I woke up, did all the %^(*^$%ing dishes from all the blasted aforementioned food, ate a melted hershey’s mini that got squished in its package on the floor, but not squished enough to let any chocolate out. I also drank some tea.
I biked to work, then I drank about 12 oz of water, then Vega protein & greens powder to get some vegetable foodstuff. Through the evening, I snacked on 3 slices of pizza because it was free and in front of me, for a total of probably 1000 calories worth. These were 3 snacks over 4 hours. I allowed this because I had just biked for 34 minutes (5.5 miles), including 4 large hills that get the heart pumping and the legs burning. I also ate a mini-sized Almond Joy. I tasted keto on my breath the other night for the first time, and I’m pretty sure this will ruin it. Because I also had about 15g of sugar with my almond-milk-dosed 200mg caffeine coffee, and I dipped that freaking pizza in ranch. Then later, I had a string cheese, and went home.
Body is sweating less foul-smelling stuff. Skin is breaking out a bit, and I’m almost certain that’s down to the staggering amount of hershey’s minis I’ve been eating, because I’m vaguely allergic to something in them. The rash from the foul-smelling sweat from my thighs has gone away. I feel rather lighter in my body. The heat has been really hot. It feels a tiny bit manic, but in a much more controlled way than prior trips. The first one of which was really uh potent, if you remember. By manic, I mean gleeful, positive, dopamine-surging kinds of even cocaine-fiend-like behavior in extreme circumstances, and serotonin syndrome (up to and including death) in extremer circumstances. My pet hypothesis is that this is a runaway reaction in neurons that gets dopamine excitotoxicity chaining through the brain’s active neurons. When neurons try to fire when they’re exhausted, I hear it’s bad for the neuron. THe previous story is the kind of manic thoughts people often have in mania.
My novel is on hold while my job situation resolves itself, probably. However, I have a page 1, and I have 10,000 words done on it, so it’s getting written, and it will be the first book of my however-many-book series, and it will be awesome.
I am going to fail this interview, probably,
Various log update:
August 4: Walked about 10k steps
Food described in bulk below. I was a bad journaler.
August 5: Walked about 10k steps
Food described in bulk below. I was a bad journaler.
The past two days I have not eaten very well. One day I had an egg white and cheddar omelet for breakfast, and then a bunch of various junk throughout the night. Been living on coffee. Meals I recall: egg white and cheddar omelet, hamburger with sweet potato fries and bun, half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, coconut milk, peanut butter and a banana, a protein shake or two. I also ate about 6 slices of pizza through both days, stupid work. And also a gourmet sandwich with veggies and turkey.
Today I ate 5-6 egg whites, no carb. 1 ancient grains fig bar. Coffee with a small chocolate milk poured in. Plain coffee. Several glasses of water. About a pound of chicken tenders. The coffee was spaced out about 4 hours apart. I also had half a thing of black tea this morning, and half a tiny tub of hummus.
I ate well-ish today because I tried to work out, which hurt. Still, I managed to do:
Squats: 1×5 85, 1×5 95, 5×5 115
Military Press (shoulder was hurting): 3×5 45, 2×5 65, 1×3 65
Deadlift: 1×5 95, 5×5 115
This was all on my self-built squat rack where I got the rack for about 125 on amazon, and the weights for about $80 total, and the bar was the most expensive thing at $185, which is still nowhere near what I would pay for a year long gym membership. Fortunately my work lets me keep it available for use on the premises.
I worked on excel for a few hours for work, which was mind-numbing but surprisingly peaceful.
Woke up feeling sore mostly from the lifting above, but also from helping a friend with some housecleaning.
Ate half a cup of oatmeal to start, fretted about protein source for a while before remembering I was thirsty-angry, drank 2 full 12-oz glasses of water. As I reach my water quota day by day, my food preferences are starting to change. I had salad with a meal at least 3 times last week. And I snacked in a healthy way for a little while.
Had some work anxiety about a thing I’m supposed to be doing, but I had a bunch of surprise work dropped on me at the end of the week, so I’m not sweating it too hard, though I will get it done tonight.
I need to go out and buy things, which is causing some more anxiety in me because I don’t have a list. I need to make the list. It involves a trip to home depot, a trip to costco, and a look in the fridge to see what I have, and what I have room for. Meal prepping is gonna be a thing as I look to become frugal and healthy. I need to learn how to buy freaking vegetables.
I’m about to make the switch to a paleo diet and stop eating sugar entirely. I’m surrounded by women with more discipline than me about their diet, and it’s starting to wear on me. Where are you getting this discipline, women?! I admire it. I will attain it. Right now I want pancakes, and I’m not going to have them, so that’s a start.
Why Did I Share This Note: I’ve been trying to learn about food for the past 6 years, since I started at school, and more difficultly, trying to cook for myself in a healthy fashion. I have a hard time exercising, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and basically everything that isn’t writing words on a computer.